Flying Free.

Sigh. Am i not able to forget what has happened in the past? Throughout all these years, i keep thinking about it, trying to find a way to explain it. But was it of any use? I doubt so. God, what to do?

It's true that when one is sad, one will think of all the negative thoughts.

I'm unhappy. Because i'm always dreaming. It never happens. Even if it happens, i'm always the one to ruin it. Why must i behave like that? I really don't know.

Sometimes i just hope to do the things i like. Like dancing, playing the guitar. Since young, i love to dance, sing, act, learn a lot of things. But i wasn't given a chance i guess. I remember when i was in Pri sch, i have a chance to learn the guitar. But my mum said, "Next time you will have the chance to learn it." But the chance never came.

So now, i'm learning the things i like. Like drums and violin. Many people will be like learn for what? Just a waste of time. But it's part of my interest. Nobody understands how i feel. What if i never get to learn it and i die. I really wanna dance, have fun, do the things i like. But i guess i don't need approval from others. I wanna learn how to play "Flying Free." A very nice piece. I yearn to have that kind of freedom.

& sometimes or most of the times, i don't rly treat my friends nice enough. Having being hurt in the past, i just don't know what to do. Have i really put those incidents behind me?

Having: being betrayed, tasted hypocrisy, deprived of friends and suffered pain when i was young. it may seem so common to you. But to me, i don't know. am i hounded by it? I really don't know.

I only know i really miss my grandma.